How to know if you have a fear of abandonment (and what to do about it)

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It’s normal to feel a little awkward or insecure about a new romantic interest or friend. But if you worry too much about others leaving you and leaving you behind, you may have a fear of abandonment.

“The fear of abandonment is an all-consuming fear that people close to you might leave you,” he says. Dr. Nereida González-Berríosan certified psychiatrist. “You are in a state of constant anxiety that the people around you will leave or you will be left alone or isolated in a social structure.”

For example, says González-Berríos, you can feel someone you love deeply will leave you and never come back. You may experience feelings of isolation and an inability to emotionally connect with others. because he is always overwhelmed by the fear of being alone, or he can feeling emotionally abandoned and unheard by the people who matter most in your life.

Fear of abandonment also symbolizes insecurity, poor self-image, and feelings of worthlessness. Dr. Gonzalez-Berrios says. While the condition is not classified as a official phobia, points out the “worry seems to get worse over time” when left untreated.

So where does the fear of abandonment come from, what are the signs and what can you do about it?

Where does the fear of abandonment come from?

The fear of abandonment is often rooted in some type of attachment trauma that has made it difficult for you to trust others.

“[Fear of abandonment stems from] when someone you are attached to, usually but not always one of your parents during your early childhood, abandons you in some way,” He says brianna sanders, a licensed professional counselor. “Whether they physically abandon you, emotionally neglect you, are present but harmful in some way that betrays your safety, or even die unexpectedly—all of these can be forms of attachment trauma. From this traumatic event, his nervous system rewrites itself in a way that will allow him to minimize the damage of a possible abandonment in the future.

These traumatic events can develop from the loss of a parent or partner through death or divorce, or suffering a kind of betrayal from someone you trusted, resulting in the fear of being abandoned.

How does the fear of abandonment manifest itself?

Fear of abandonment can take a variety of forms, and is usually linked to their attachment style in relationships. Sanders says this fear typically manifests in one of three forms: anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, and fearful attachment.

ANanxious attachments “are concerned with making sure their attachment needs are met,” Sanders explains.THis appearance is constantly checking to make sure someone still likes you, easily noticing if someone’s communication patterns change or decline, and feeling like it’s your responsibility to make sure others don’t leave at all costs. Without doing these things, you experience a lot of anxiety. The goal of anxious attachments is to maintain closeness, because the proximity [equals] safety.”

Those who have an avoidant attachment, “avoid becoming attached to others for fear of abandonment”, Sanders says. “This seems to distance himself from people as he begins to feel closer to them, avoiding vulnerability and keeping things at surface level, and needing a lot of space especially in love relationships. The goal of avoidant attachments is to maintain independence because independence equals safety.”

People with fearful attachment,they want to experience closeness and maintain their independence, but they are afraid of both,” says Sanders. “Caregivers of fearful attachments were often very unpredictable, making it difficult for them to feel secure in close relationships, but they also feel anxious. without intimate friendships His actions may seem very confusing from the outside. because they are not sure how to ease their fear of abandonment on the inside.”

According to Dr. González-Berrios, other signs of fear of abandonment include:

  • try to quickly connect with unknown people
  • attention seeking tendencies
  • no healthy long-term relationships
  • fussy, guilty tendencies
  • northever takes responsibility for bad behavior
  • feels hurt and distressed if left alone
  • feel jealous if someone else talks to their loved ones
  • lack of trust in others
  • search hidden meaning in tthe behavior of loved ones
  • lack of emotional control
  • constantly marital status doubts
  • Cconstant anxiety about potentially losing a partner, parent, friend, or child

How to deal with the fear of abandonment

Because the fear of abandonment usually stems from deep-seated insecurities and childhood trauma, Dr. Gonzalez-Berrios says trying to understand the roots of your trauma, preferably with the help of a therapist or counselor, is key.. To consider “why…you feel distressed, or what will happen if people leave you?” she says.When you can identify worst case scenarios, you will be able to bravely face your fears.”

Sanders says it’s also important to acknowledge that the things you do once kept you safe. “Extend gratitude to your defense mechanisms, and give them permission to leave you while you begin to create security within yourself.”

Another exercise to consider: Connect with the part of you that is afraid. “Notice how you talk to yourself now,” says Sanders.. “Notice how your current patterns and fear of abandonment take root. See where it comes from and how old you were when you learned to fear that people would leave you or emotionally neglect you.

And finally, it is crucial to create security within. “Create an inner voice of the person you needed as a child so that it would not abandon you”, Sanders says. “Talk to yourself as that person whenever you experience fears of abandonment. Once you can safely join yourself, [you can] cures the fear of abandonment with constancy over time.”

The best way to do all of these things, according to Sanders, is through a regular meditation practice. “Beginning at five o’clock minutes a day and increasing to 15 minutes a day. If you are a beginner in meditation, don’t be shy about using guided meditation. In fact I recommend it.”

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